Guide to Moral Living in Examples: Groomers
“Six groomers were found dead, apparently mauled,” the radio announcer said.
“Damn,” Yoshi said.
“Animal control authorities are asking residents to keep their eyes open for any large dogs. If it is spotted, do not approach. Get to safety. Call the police emergency line.”
Yoshi pulled his car into the alley behind his animal grooming salon and went inside. There were three voicemail messages blinking on the phone. All three of his groomers had known someone in the massacre and were taking bereavement leave. Yoshi understood and cleared the appointments of the groomers. He didn’t have anybody lined up, so he settled down to some serious paperwork.
The little tinkling bell on the door tinkled. Yoshi looked up. A young man stood in front of the counter.
“Can I help you?”
The young man pulled out a stubby black gun and pointed it at Yoshi’s heart.
“Yes. Go lock the door.”
“Okay, let’s be calm,” Yoshi said.
“I’m perfectly calm,” the young man lied, his hand shaking. “Just do as you’re told.”
“Okay,” Yoshi said, walking over to the door.
“And don’t try to run. I’ll shoot you before you leave the shop.”
“Okay,” Yoshi said. He locked the door.
“Now we wait,” the young man said, sitting down in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting area.
They sat in silence, and Yoshi quickly moved from fear to boredom.
“Can I go work on my papers some more?” Yoshi asked after three hours.
The young man looked startled, like he’d forgotten that Yoshi was there, then nodded.
“Just unplug the phone.”
Yoshi did so, and then got back to taking care of a handful of invoices.
The sun began to go down, and Yoshi got nervous. His wife knew that he wouldn’t be home that night. “You don’t want to be here after dark,” Yoshi said.
“Why’s that?” the young man asked.
“This neighborhood gets quite dangerous at night.”
The young man shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
The streetlights outside of the shop were out, and so they sat in as total dark as one can get in a modern town. The silver light of the moon began to stream in the windows.
“Leave now,” Yoshi growled, his voice already starting to change.
“Why?” the young man said.
“Because when the moon comes up weird things happen.”
“Weirder than this?” the young man asked, pulling up his sleeve to reveal a thick batch of wolf hair that was growing even as Yoshi watched.
“No, about the same,” Yoshi said, pulling open his shirt to reveal his own set of wolf hair sprouting from his chest.
“Oh shit,” the young man said. “You were the one at the grooming salon last night!”
“No, but over the long term most groomers get bitten by a werewolf anyway.”
The Moral: most groomers make a modest income, so Big Pharma isn’t putting much effort into a vaccine.
