Kippa spat out the water that she’d just swallowed. The soapy taste made her gag and after a few minutes of dry heaving she threw the glass against the wall, where it shattered along with her patience. She stood up, leaning on her stave, and seized the pitcher of water off of the table. She limped to the door and dumped the water out into the dirt.

“It took me a long time to filter that water,” Kippa’s father said. “You are too impetuous.”

“Somebody has to be! That demon and its baths are poisoning us!”

Her father shrugged. “It is the only river nearby. The men should be back shortly with a cart of water from the mountains.”

“You mean the cowards will be back! They have skulked off in defeat rather than rise boldly to the challenge!”

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Hyacinth brushed sawdust off of her face with the back of one sweaty hand while she waited for the whine of the saw in her other hand to stop. She set it down and picked up a piece of coarse sandpaper and used it to give the raw edge of the plank a buff.

She really enjoyed the smell of fresh wood.

Satisfied that this plank was identical to the others, she stacked it on top of the rest. Swirling a can of beer to confirm that it was empty, she tossed it on top of the pile with the others and opened up the cooler to get a cold one.

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Gregor and Jolene sealed the Reaction Chamber. They approached the glowing computer monitors to review the parameters for the experiment that would begin shortly.

“This reading of the Jubal field is kinda low, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but it has to be that low or else it’ll disrupt the Krizkrang flow and throw the ion nozzle out of alignment.”

“Gotcha. I think we’re ready to get started then.”

“Sounds great. Activating the experiment sequence.”

Gregor hit enter on the keyboard, and they heard the walls hum with the raw energy flowing into the Reaction Chamber.

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“My emperor, you are far too skinny. It doesn’t project the proper aura of plenty. The rumbling in the peasant’s stomaches grows worse whenever they cast their eyes upon your godly visage,” said the court physician Lizpiz.

“I am not too skinny, I am the perfect weight,” said Emperor Jin, crossing his arms over his chest. Lizpiz could see Jin’s ribcage. The ribcage of an emperor had not been seen in hundreds of years. “Whatever weight I am is the perfect weight. I’m the emperor!”

“That is true, your esteemed grace, but observe,” Lizpiz said, encircling Jin’s once-chubby forearm with his thumb and index finger. Lizpiz shook his head and his white moustache quivered.

“I have been the court doctor for you, your father and the previous emperor that he murde – I mean, assassi – I mean, righteously dethroned. I delivered you! I know a thing or two about a healthy weight.” He pointed to the carved-wood scale that he’d used. “You weigh barely more than four sacks of grain.”

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“I’ve called this meeting to give you all a talking-to about maintaining the equipment. This sheet of paper that I have in front of me is a summary of the last several months of data on the moon,” said Dr. Dierdre Szaldi, to the dozen astronomers seated at the long table. “According to the data, the moon has moved closer to Earth. If you have a problem with the equipment, please submit a maintenance request form so that our technicians can take a look.”

One of the astronomers leapt from his chair, spraying an arc of instant coffee onto the stack of maintenance request forms sitting in front of Dr. Szaldi.

“The moonmen!” he spluttered.

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Juphrem slid off his long, black cloak to reveal his sinewy body to tonight’s client. The moonlight streaming in through the window made his pale skin glow. The woman on the bed, equally naked, gasped.

With a vampiric gleam in his eye, he descended upon her.

A long while later, she rolled off of him, exhausted. He stood up and collected the money for his services, tucked it into a pocket on his cloak, and dressed.

“Same time next week?” he asked.

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